Well.. Im doing whatever I can to try and get over Jayna, but every time I get a little bit over her, she says something, or I see something that reminds me of her, and I go even deeper than I was before. Im a submarine trying to surface, but instead something is pulling me deeper below the ocean.
I spent pretty much all day crying... Noones ever been able to hurt me so much, not my dad, not my good freind who tried to commit suicide on numerous occations, noone can hurt me as much as she has. And yet... I like the feeling.. not the being all emotional part.. but I like the whole caring about someone so much that it really hurts.
The wost feeling in the world.. Falling for someone who doesnt love you back in the same way.
She keeps telling me she wishes she could share my feelings.. but she cant.
She says that im the first one to ever like her. (But I know of several guys who have liked her, so maybe she means like her in the way I like her.) He friend Zach and her mom gave her good adivice, but it sucks for me.
"Don't fall for the first person who likes you."
But I dont just like her.. lots of ppl have liked her, but I love her.
I look at other girls who 3 months ago I may have thought was cute, hot, pretty ect. anymore they are all just faces in the crowd, I honestly cant say how they look w/out thinking of Jayna. Unless Jayna has an exact clone, I could never like anyone else. Its just the way I feel. So I think im gonna revert back to my old idea.. I think im gonna remain single for the rest of my life. I could never love another girl as much as I love Jayna.. and I dont wanna be w/ anyone that I dont love like that.. it would be mean to the other girl.
I made up my mind im gonna take a few days off from the computer.. starting now.. so you prolly wont hear from me in a few days.. mainly cause Im gonna try and see if I can go about a week w/ out her.. then maybe ill talk to her for an hour.. and ill go another week w/ out her.. im gonna try for once a week... this is gonna kill me.. but Its for both of us..
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