Jet-Skiing

Had fun yesterday with Paul & Valarie Moyer, My Mom, My Sister and UF. Paul & Valarie invited all of us to Blue Marsh to ride their Jet Ski. It Started with Breanne and Valarie riding the Jet-Ski, me and UF walked along the pebble beach, skipping stones. We talked a little remembering the old days. Talked about life, school, etc. I think I finaly relized when i talked to her that i would like to spend time with her, but at the same time its obvious that we arent right for each other. I am pretty much back to my old feelings. I only love her as a freind, and a sister.

First Day of My Senior Year!

Well, Its here, I was hoping for no math, but Guess what, I'm stuck with Trig/Precalc.
I will be rejoining SchuylkillBotics this year. This time as Web designer, and as a sponsorship coordinator.

I received lots of paperwork for my mom to sign, and I also Know few ppl at tech this year, most of my friends graduated last year.

Last night!

I had the hardest time sleeping, I went to bed at a little after 9 last night, and 5 hours later, I was up, and I was up for 3 hours just lying in my bed trying to get back to sleep, but I woke up crying, I don't even know what I was dreaming about when I woke up, I'm guessing it had to do with UF or My ex-best friend.

Today

Well this morning at the meeting, UF was sitting with a visiting child and a child from the area. She didn't pay attention much during the entire meeting, all she did was play hangman with the kids. Later halfway through the Watchtower Study, she answered, only paragraph that she was actually semi-paying attention. But that was also the paragraph my sister was ready to comment. When the brother who was conducting picked UF instead of my sister, It upset her, my sister is rarely called on by the brothers, and UF is almost always called. I don't get it.

after the meeting she told my sister if we need a ride to the softball game that was being held later, she would give us a ride. My sister did call, and she left a message on her machine, UF never went home to get the message, she was gone all day, and picked up two of her other friends, and ignored us.

I got a ride with another friend, My sister still wanted to go, but she didn't really want to go in my friends truck, especially since other than me and him there were two other guys in the truck.

I got to the game, there was UF, she never even asked me about my sister, actually she barely even talked to me. only time she did was when I tossed my glove at her, and it hit her on top of her head. She had a comeback "After all those times I have given you a ride to the pool." She was joking, but I had to continue bothering her.

Then me and my friends left, we took of, UF was right behind us in her car. my friend has a little bit of a tendency to go a little fast, he was flying down the road, and Behind us was UF the entire way, we got up to 80 in his truck, but UF, continued following fast,
I was a little frightened by the whole ordeal, cause I kept thinking about what might happen if either made a wrong move, or ended up hitting another car. she was so close, if we stopped, she would have plowed into us, and I don't know If I was still here What I would do, with me, and 2 of my best friends, and 3 other friends, anyone of us could have been seriously injured. I just don't know.

Guess who called and stopped by today?

When I was on the net, The Unnamed Female called and left a Message asking if me and my sister wanted to come over to study the Watchtower (a magazine we prepare so we can comment on it when we go over it at a meeting at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses)

I was the only one home, By the time I could call her back, she had already left her house, I talked to her mom, and told her mom that I wouldn't be able to come over to study. Her mom told me The Unnamed Female (From now on she will be referred to as UF) was on her way.

She stopped by and when I told her I was the only one home, she asked if I wanted to come, I told her I had to deliver my papers soon. this was at 1:00 PM. the papers usually get here around 1:30, there still not here right now. She practically begged me to come, saying "You don't have to deliver right away do you?", she leaned up against the door and looked very disappointed. I told her I was sorry, I would have loved to come, but I do have a job to do. The other reasons why I wouldn't go, I didn't want to tell her.

1. I know if my sister would have found out I went with her, She would be upset and think it wasn't right.

2. I am trying to distance my self from her for a while. I don't want my feelings for her to increase.

I don't know what I should have done, should have I went with her. I think I made the best decision. Also what was the reason for her disappointment, and why did she seem to beg me to come with her?

Oh well I guess I wont know, and frankly I don't know if I want to know.

Friendship Lost.

Well, I found out on Monday, that One of my friends is basically ending his friendship with me. I have cared a lot for this friend, and I don't know how I feel about this. He says he might be back to be my friend at a later date, but now its for certain hes terminating our association. But I guess its for the better (The better for me, not him.)

I sincerely hope he will be back, He had a few problems, many of which I'm not free to talk about. That makes things hard, cause he threw all these burdens upon me, and now I cant really talk to many people about them. Because they are so personal. I don't want to tell many people either, cause I don't want people to not like him because of what hes done, and may still be doing.

What I see in my mind.

I know Even though I haven't had my heart broken, Its being torn in several directions between the different paths my mind has set before me, and what my heart feels.

I can see hundreds of possible situations, I just don't know which would be best for the Unnamed Female, or Me. I'm still running all the possibilities through, I've seen possibilities a person like me shouldn't even think about, Things like if something happened to her parents, where would she go, would she end up here, because my family might take her in until she feels better, or at least good enough to be on her own, If that happens, I will see her much more, My feelings for her will probably increase, her feelings for me, if any, will probably increase too, then from that path theres like 2 or 3 more paths.

Does anyone think I think to much? I'm not even trying to dwell on such things, but every time I close my eyes, Hell not an hour goes by where I don't think of her at least 30 times, Its not that I really think of her, Just in my mind Shes always there.

I've seen many possible paths in my mind, I don't think of them, They just are there, almost as if my mind can see into several possible alternate universes, with out even trying. I'm telling you right, now I don't feel that a person should be able to see some of the things I see. I can see Possible futures eons away, I can see the short term possibilities, and the long term, as in after Armageddon, several thousand years after Armageddon!

I can literally see me there, with the Unnamed Female at my side, my arm around her, hers around me. Standing on the porch of the house we built together, looking at the Lions, Bears, Tigers, Deer, and other animals living together in peace. Then one of our 2 kids, the youngest runs out and pets the lion, and hops on the back of a Siberian Tiger.

I know some of you feel that would be an impossibility, a Utopian Society, But I sincerely believe it will be here, because God promised it would. I cant wait.

I can see us there, we look about 30, but I know were a few thousand years old.

PSX Part.

Well my mom ordered the part for my PlayStation that was busted today, hope to receive it soon. Its been a long time since I've played it all my games will be new to me again. Yay! actually that's probably not a reality heh. but I wonder when It will come in?