I was wrong yet again!

I thought I had gotten over her.. truth is.. I never did.. I love her more now than I did before.. I dont view her as a sister at all.. I view her as my dearest friend..


last night she told me that she was thinking about something..and wanted to say it.. but she didnt.. Well she told me today.. and now i seriously wish she wouldnt have told me.. She told me that someone told her that when she gets married to make sure the other person has similar thoughts. She wrote that and then giggled.. then said.. fact is.. that me and her offten have the SAME thoughts, then we started talking about the possibility of us getting together.

we wrote at the same time that we really need to stop thinking about that.. but hers had "Before something happens" after it.

She told me what it was that made her like me back in Jan.."the sweet personality you bestow". She said that right after she said

"I'm just telling you now that i do love you, but i'm too young to think about this stuff right now

I want to curse right now.. but Im holding back.. this is so hard.. after hearing that.. I dont know if I can ever get over her.. I really hope she stops saying stuff like that soon.. or else Im doomed to live this life.. Im gonna be stuck trying so hard not to let myself do anything id ever regret.. I know that if I had the chance to hold her hand again I would.. Robert invited me to go w/ him, Jen, and Jayna.. (Prolly a few others too) to his aunts beach house.. but I told him I couldnt..

I know that if I went.. Id be swimming when Jayna is swimming.. and Id prolly do what ive done to ever girl Ive liked in the water.. Id become the guy who cant keep his hands off the girl.. Id be carrying her around in the water.. dunking her.. and be extremely flirty...

I know I would.. I did it with Amy 2 years ago.. and I did it w/ and old worldy girl 5 years ago!

And I dont want to do that w/ Jayna.. I care about her too much to let myself do that.. This is killing me.. Im torn between what my Heart, Body, and Mind all want to do.. all 3 have separate agendas..

Mind just wants to remain friends.. till she is at least 25..

Heart wants to start dating now...

Body.. wants to go to the Beach house...

I gotta remain firm.. and stick to my mind.. rightnow its the smartest.. but its not as strong as my heart..

I gotta keep my sences.. I cant let myself do what it wants to...

Im gonna go Watch Inspector Gadget 2 now.. hopefully it will help get my mind off things.